


between us

by buckyownsmylife



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, BDSM dynamics, Daddy Kink, Depression, F/M, Smut, Spankings, and I think that’s about it., self-harm thoughts and discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:28:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29513925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyownsmylife/pseuds/buckyownsmylife
Summary: The one where Aaron hurts you, but he knows just how to heal you.When Hotch comes home one day and takes out his frustrations on you, you’re sent spiraling into a depressive state that you were all too familiarized with. But as your boss and closest friend, he’s the only one who knows how to take care of you during a relapse. His efforts to fix the situation end up awakening a different side of him, a side that might just be precisely what you’ve been missing in a time like that.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this fic is really self-serving because I just got out of another depression slump and my husband had to pretty much figure out by himself that the kind of dynamic we have in the bedroom helps me keep my mind straight when applied to my emotional relapses - particularly when I’m feeling dettached from everything and everyone. I hope some of you identify with this, because honestly, it’d make me feel a hell of a lot better about myself 😂

Hotch’s P.O.V.

I heard soft music coming from the kitchen and blindly followed it to see what I was already expecting to find. Y/N was packing up groceries while absentmindedly singing to a Billy Joel song that I distinctly recognized as “Vienna”. The realization that it could very well be about what I could say to her made the pain in my heart even harder to deal with.

“What is this?” I found myself asking, and not even the sight of her jumping up in the air from the scare I gave her woke me from the anger that had now taken over me.

“Hotch, my God, I didn’t see you there… I was just packing up some things I bought… I figured you’d be too busy at work to fill the fridge and Jack made a comment the other day that ripped my heart out, about how it was constantly empty and I just thought… I could help at least a little bit…” She dragged on, babbling about my kid, not even taking notice of the anger I was most certainly exuding. But now it was impossible for her to miss since the mention of Jack’s name and especially the revelation of how he felt about the fact that I didn’t have the time to do normal dad stuff, like buying groceries - and worse of all, that she knew about my failures as a parent - took all reason out of my mind.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” I asked again, and this time the amount of venom in my words was unmistakable. I closed the refrigerator’s door with much more force than necessary, making her jump yet again, turning around to look at me with a surprised look on her face.

“Putting away… groceries?” She asked, her eyes big as she stared up at me, towering over her. In another mental state - in my normal mental state - I would have thought she looked cute like this, the confused expression on her eyes, her bottom lip in a pout as she tried to understand what was going through my head, but now, the innocence she transpired only served to make me even madder.

“Who are you trying to fool here, Y/N? Let me put it out in the open, so you can’t fake your naiveness around here anymore: you are not Jack’s mom. You will never be Jack’s mom. No amount of effort you put in making yourself needed and present in this house will replace the hole of Haley’s absence.” I watched as she took a long breath, a look of realization finally appearing in her bright eyes. Still, she didn’t move, simply looked up at me, waiting for me to finish speaking, making me realize for a single second of sanity how absolutely crazy I looked like, yelling at a woman who was silently staring up at me, no reaction on her features.

Instead of shame, the anger rose even higher, blinding me completely.

“And no amount of time you spend here will make me want you. Get this in your head: I will never, ever want you. It doesn’t matter that you buy this fucking wine or that you try to pretend you care about Jack, you’re a fucking kid and I will never dream of fucking you.” That was a lie, of course, and the fact that I had randomly burst all of this out without any context only made the words feel heavier in the space around us. I was suddenly taken back to that night we had kissed against the same counter she was leaning on after I had succumbed to tiredness from a long day of work and found her waiting for me to come home before going to her own place since she didn’t want Jack to be alone. She had spent the entire day with him, despite the fact it was her first and only day off in ages, and for a second, as I looked at her patiently waiting for me with a glass of wine prepared as I burst through the doors, I couldn’t fight my desire for her any longer. For just that second, I allowed myself to kiss her, like I wasn’t her boss, like she wasn’t over twenty years younger than me, like I could have her, own her, and love her like I dreamed about.

As she pushed herself from the counter and walked around it to pick up her bag, leaving the rest of the groceries she had bought on top of the table, I was reminded of how she sweetly gave me one last kiss that night, saying that if I wanted to pursue whatever the hell that was, I knew where to find her the next morning, but she wouldn’t allow myself to do something that I could possibly regret that night. She would wait for me to confirm if it was something I actually wanted, and she wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t go after her the next day.

When we met at the bullpen the next day, I made the effort not to look her in the eyes, and the feeling that had overtaken me as it became clear she had understood the message couldn’t really be described as relief.

Regret was already starting to swallow me when I finally took a deep breath, a breath that brought my usual demeanor back to me. She was obviously waiting for me to do so, as she at last spoke. “I would never dream of trying to replace Jack’s mom and it was never my goal to do so. I simply like his company and it doesn’t hurt that my presence seems to help you a little bit, too. I bought the groceries only because I don’t think any kid should have to feel sad when they want to grab a little snack and they can’t find anything in the house. Both Jack and I know how demanding your job is, so we would never dream of making you feel bad for it, but contrary to him, I can actually do something about it. So I did.”

With that, she turned around to leave, before coming back and going through her purse to look for something. “Here.” It was the key I had given her after the first night I asked her to babysit him. “Oh, and the wine? It really was only because I know how tense you get after a workday, Hotch. If you want to share it with someone else, someone who can make both you and Jack happy, nothing would make me happier.” She turned around to leave once more. “Enjoy your groceries.”

And just like that, she was gone.

The fact that the door wasn’t slammed hurt way more than what I was expecting to receive, but I don’t know where that expectation came from, since not once during that entire speech - or ever before, ever since I knew her - did I see a hint of anger or resentment in her voice.

I stood there, looking emptily at the place she used to be until I heard the sounds of Jack’s and Jessica’s arrival. His shout immediately woke me from my dark thoughts, reminding me I had to pretend everything was fine, if only for his sake.


	2. Chapter 2

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I was already working by the time he arrived in the office, despite the fact that he was usually one of the first ones to arrive. I reminded myself to keep staring at my screen and not give him the satisfaction of knowing he still had some space in my mind, and as he slowly made his way to the office, I was able to forget about his entire existence as I threw myself in the work.

I was gone before he made his way out of his room.

The next day followed pretty much the same pattern, he would pass through me and I would force myself not to look at him until suddenly, I didn’t need to. I was so inside my own head I completely forgot about anything else, trapped inside the walls of my own terrible thoughts.

By the time I realized something was wrong, I was already back home and since I had the next day off, no one would be around to help get me out of here. 

The next morning arrived and I found myself wondering if I had slept through the whole night or had simply spent it looking at the ceiling, watching the shadows move. I had lost complete control over time by then. 

Suddenly, my phone echoed from somewhere in the living room and I found myself getting up from the bed and blindly going through the motions of looking for it, answering the call without even looking at the caller.

“Hello?” I asked, my brain still not catching up to me.

“Y/N? Oh, good, you answered!” It was Reid, I faintly recognized. “We need you to come in! There’s an unsub who’s been terrorizing a town close to here and we might need your abilities to catch him.” 

I didn’t remember agreeing or getting out of the house, but I could see how I was too tired to even explain I wouldn’t be of much help to anyone at the moment. When I got inside the plane, I dropped into the first seat I found, staring out of the window without really realizing that everyone was already there and they were all staring at me as if I had grown two heads.

Time meant nothing to me as we suddenly found ourselves already in the local police precinct. I barely remembered hearing an argument between Aaron and Reid that had resulted in both of them agreeing it was best to leave me there with the genius, and I stared at the wall of evidence without really seeing it. 

If Reid tried to talk to me - or anyone else for that matter - I had absolutely no idea. I couldn’t hear anyone with how far into the hole I had allowed myself to crawl. But suddenly, the smaller part of my brain that seemed to still be worried about other people connected something I must have seen or heard, and I found myself abruptly grabbing Spencer’s forearm while explaining to him who the killer was. In less than thirty minutes, everyone was back on the precinct and we were back on the plane again.

I sat in the same seat as before, still looking out at the window without really seeing when I felt someone sit down next to me, but I was too far away to care.

Hotch’s P.O.V.

We all watched as Spencer carefully wrapped his hands around one of Y/N’s arms and pulled her to him. The speed with which she turned her head to look at him should have given her whiplash, but she simply looked up at him like she couldn’t really see him. Like she wasn’t really there.

Then suddenly, her eyes focused, seeing his concerned ones, and she abruptly curled into herself, crying so hard she was shaking.

If there was anything left of my heart after how I had beaten myself over how I treated her, how I felt as I saw her ignore my existence for two whole days and how it felt to see her in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt for the first time in my life, it broke at the sight before me. The plane had taken flight and yet no one seemed to have realized, everyone simply staring at her with the same concern Reid showed. 

She cried for the entire duration of the flight home, and only as we approached Washington did Reid try to interrupt her. “Y/N,” he shook her gently, his arms still strongly holding her against him. I tried not to focus too much on how hard I wished I could be the one consoling her. “Do you want to come home with me? I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

That silenced her. Her sobs slowly came to an end until only a few single tears were rolling down her face. She shook her head. “No, Spencer, thank you.” Her voice cracked as she spoke in front of me for the first time in three days and I felt like I couldn’t breathe at the sadness that she transpired.

“Okay, I understand that, but can you promise me that you’ll call me if you have the urge to do anything stupid? Please?” No one in the plane was breathing by then. Everyone knew under which conditions Y/N had come to work for us and it was the first time we were experiencing how she was like when depression overcame her. 

Still, the silence continued. She didn’t give him an answer, staring at her own fingers who played with the edge of her shirt.

“Y/N? Please, promise me.” He shook her, trying to get through to her, who suddenly sobbed again.

“I can’t Spence, okay? I just can’t! I can’t promise you I’ll think of you before doing something stupid, I can’t promise you I will want you to intervene if things go bad.” By then, we had landed. However, no one had made a single move towards the exit. I could see Spencer was opening his mouth to argue with her and what he was going to offer we will never know, ‘cause by then, I had seen enough. Laying a hand on top of his shoulder, I silenced him before he spoke.

“That won’t be necessary, Spencer. She will be coming home with me.” My words were said with such authority that not even her had any strength to argue with me. Raising her eyes to look me in the eyes for the first time in forever, I counted a full minute before she softly nodded, quickly climbing out of Spencer’s lap and following me out of the plane.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t argue when he offered me his hand to hold as we walked towards his car in the parking lot. I didn’t argue when he pulled up in front of my house and asked me for my keys, so he could pack me some things to bring to his place. I noticed he didn’t leave his own keys inside the car with me, however. Smart boy.

He didn’t try to break the silence as we approached his own place. I could only imagine how beaten I must have looked, my eyes sunken from the lack of sleep and the amount of crying I had done. It felt good, however. It had helped to bring me back to the surface, if only for a little bit.

As he opened the door to the house I thought I would never see again, I was greeted with the scream of my own name and a running child who quickly jumped in my arms. Jack.

I hugged the little guy as strongly as I could without actually hurting him. I could barely understand his excitement as he explained how he wasn’t expecting to see me since his father had said I wouldn’t be coming around for a while.

If I was more like myself, I would have snorted, but as it were, I could simply smile softly at him.

“Well, Y/N’s going to be staying with us for a while now, Jack. So you don’t have to worry about her leaving any time soon.” I felt Aaron’s hand in my shoulder as he gently pushed me further inside the house, before suggesting his son took me to play with his Marvel action figures. “I’ll unpack your things in the guest bedroom,” he said, looking me in the eyes, and I understood that was his way of warning me he would do a full sweep of everything that I could possibly use to hurt myself. 

I let Jack guide me into his room and by the time Aaron came to tell us the pizza had arrived, I had a genuine smile on my face for the first time in a while. Only this little guy could make me start to crawl back up from the well I had hidden so quickly.

I started to realize how smart Aaron was. I mean, I knew he was intelligent and an amazing agent, I worked with him, but it was only when Jack asked if I wasn’t going to eat my pizza that I caught a glimpse of how brilliant his mind truly was.

Of course I couldn’t not eat. Not when Jack was looking up at me with expectant eyes, and not when I knew he wouldn’t want to eat himself if I didn’t eat at least one slice. So I smiled and took a bite off of my pizza. “I’m eating, kiddo. I was just spacing out for a bit, sorry.” He gave me such a bright smile that I felt myself feeling a bit better again, better enough to give Aaron an angry look when Jack wasn’t looking, to which he simply responded with a tight-lipped smile and a look so soft in his eyes that I couldn’t quite understand, but took my breath away nonetheless.

“Why does she get to eat with her hands, dad?” Jack interrupted whatever the hell was going on, and I had to blink twice before understanding what he meant. 

“I don’t know, buddy, ask her why she eats it like that!”

Aaron’s P.O.V.

Seeing her even briefly looking like she usually was warmed my heart in a way I never expected it to. I always loved seeing her interact with Jack, but knowing that her connection to him was so strong that it pulled her from wherever the hell she had hidden inside herself made me feel like I was stupid to think I could ignore our own bond. 

She wiped her hands on the napkin that was on her lap before answering. “Actually, it is bad table manners to eat pizza with a fork and knife,” she explained, and instantly I knew what was coming. 

“Oh, no, son, keep using your utensil,” I warned him, but I was already chuckling.

“But you’re always telling me I have to follow the proper manner, especially while eating,” I nodded, conceding to him that. 

“But we don’t know for a fact that what Y/N is saying is the right way to do it,” I argued, only to be interrupted by the culprit herself.

“Actually, as the only person at this table who has actually gone to Italy, my argument is much stronger than any of yours, right now,” she reminded us, to which I finally shrugged, after smiling down at her. 

“Okay, let’s try this,” I picked up my own slice before jokingly toasting it with Jack’s.

I watched as she softly read Jack’s night time story, my heart clenching at the sight of her leaning down to kiss his forehead after he fell asleep. She quietly left the room, closing the door beside her as she stood in front of me, nervously pushing the curls that were in front of her face out of her vision.

“Okay, I got it. I can go now if you want. I swear I’m better.” I cocked my head to the side, analyzing her. That she was better than she was when she had gotten in this house, that much was obvious, but I couldn’t let her go before I actually knew she was 100% back to normal.

“Let me show you to the guest room,” I took her hand in mine once more, terrified by how cold her fingers felt as I held them, but she didn’t make any movement to separate us or reinforce her desire to go to her own place. I opened the door for her, letting her go in and look around. “If you need anything, I’m right down the hallway, okay? Try to get some sleep.” She nodded, her eyes focused on the edge of her blouse once more. I felt the need to cross the distance between us and kiss her on the forehead, but I refrained. “Good night, Y/N,” I softly whispered before retreating back to my own room.

The morning came quickly and I was excited to spend Saturday with my son and Y/N, hopefully helping her come back to normal quickly, so I could finally have a heart to heart and apologize for what I had said. When I got into the kitchen, she was already there, a full-on feast waiting on the table as she finished flipping pancakes. 

“Did you even sleep?” I joked, but worry quickly clouded my mind as she glanced up at me with a guilty look on her face.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I was saved from further inquiry as Jack quickly made his way in the kitchen and into his father’s arms, undoubtedly having heard him coming down the stairs. He excitedly shouted about pancakes and activities planned for the day and I took up the opportunity to finish the pancakes, motioning them to sit on the table as I followed suit.

We ate leisurely, comforted by the knowledge that we had the whole day ahead of us, and I made the effort to actually be present in the conversation, behaving in the way I would normally do. I could see that the act, paired with the enormous amount of concealer I had used to hide my eye bags, had actually managed to fool Aaron.

A part of me felt guilty, knowing that he was putting so much effort into helping me and I wasn’t being completely honest with him, but I knew this is what I needed to do. I had to get out of there, so he wouldn’t have to feel burdened by his responsibility towards me, as team leader, anymore.

I was just finishing my cup of coffee when Aaron’s phone resonated through the room, abruptly interrupting the conversation as he sent Jack a guilty smile before standing up to answer it. I tried to distract the kid, but he was already too smart for his own age. Having grown up in the Hotchner household, he knew by now what it meant when his dad’s phone rang on a Saturday.

I didn’t listen to his conversation but when he came back down, he was already dressed to work. Before I could say anything, he explained that there weren’t any cases that needed the team’s attention, but he had been called into a meeting with other team leaders. “I’m sorry, son, I know you were looking forward to spending the day with me.” He leaned down to deposit a kiss on Jack’s forehead before turning to me. “I might be gone through most of the day, these things tend to run far into the evening… Are you sure you can handle everything around here?” I knew what he meant. He wanted to know if he could trust me to be alone. I nodded before assuring him that I would spend the day with Jack and we could do something together later in the evening when he came back, or tomorrow. That seemed to reanimate the little guy while also tranquilizing his father, who nodded at me once, a thankful smile on his face, before turning around and leaving.

I spent most of the day busy trying to be busy. I wanted to occupy Jack so he wouldn’t notice something was off, but I also needed to distract myself, not only from my own dark thoughts but also from the fact that I could very well fall asleep at any time. I was deadly tired, but even after I had put him in bed for an afternoon nap, I couldn’t allow myself to go to sleep. This is what I deserved. I had to deal with these voices, reminding me I didn’t deserve any kindness these people offered me. Especially not Hotch’s, since it was simply him doing what he needed to do, in order to fulfill his duty as a team leader who had been burdened with the responsibility of dealing with an agent’s suicidal past.

That’s what was going through my mind as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, not even noticing how I slowly balanced myself from one leg to the other, my eyes slowly dropping. I didn’t even realize what was happening, only that I suddenly felt much lighter than I previously was, and suddenly, my mind went blank.


	3. Chapter 3

Hotch’s P.O.V.

It was already past 4 p.m. when I managed to arrive home and the sight that greeted me, Y/N simply falling asleep in the middle of the kitchen, terrified me to no end. I watched as she fainted in the middle of the room and it felt like the world was coming to a stop as I ran to try to catch her.

The sound of her body falling to the floor and my stuff that I had dropped in my efforts to get to her must have dragged Jack out of his room, because in a minute he was there, watching with big eyes as I slowly rose to my feet with Y/N in my arms. I struggled to open the tap with one hand while still holding her body and threw some water on her face, in an effort to wake her up. It worked, and after a few minutes of carefully shaking her body, she opened her eyes to look at me. 

The relief I felt didn’t last long, as I noticed how glassy they were. They couldn’t focus on me, but she still tried to push herself away and stand on her own two feet, while shaking her head to wake herself up. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” she quickly repeated, but before I could interrupt her and argue that she was anything but okay, Jack’s soft voice resonated through the room.

“Y/N, are you sick?” He asked, and it was clear by how his bottom lip trembled that he was terrified of what he was seeing. Frowning, I turned her around to look at her face and what stared back at me shook my very core. 

There were black circles under her eyes, so dark that it looked like she had been punched. Her skin was almost transparent, and I could see her veins struggling to pump her blood. I felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dropped over me as I quickly recounted the steps her former superior had taught me about what to look for when she was in a state like that.

Moving quickly, I dragged her to the couch, where I also asked Jack to sit while I called his aunt, asking her to take him for the night. After everything was settled with Jessica, I got up to his room and packed his overnight bag, not really stopping to think about what I was doing. I was back in the living room just in time to talk to him before his aunt arrived.

“You’re gonna stay with Aunt Jessica tonight, okay, buddy?” Jack looked at me with tearful eyes that had been hiding on Y/N’s chest before I returned. 

“Is Y/N going to be okay, dad?” I sighed, knowing I hated to lie to my kid, but it was what I needed to do at that moment.

“Of course, buddy. Now kiss her goodnight, I think I hear your aunt pulling into the driveway.” He did precisely that, hugging her tight before reminding her that they’d see each other again tomorrow. She nodded, her own eyes filled with tears as she kissed his forehead before letting him go. 

I accompanied him outside, making sure that he got inside the car before going back to the living room, where Y/N was no longer in sight. I shouted for her name while making my way to the second floor of the house, my feet already taking me where I knew I’d find her. “Open the door, Y/N.” I shouted, knocking on her bathroom’s door. No one answered, but I knew she was there. “C’mon, open the door, Y/N.” Still nothing.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I moved inside the bathroom, absolutely terrified, trying to come up with a plan that would divert his anger from me once more. I wouldn’t survive being in the receiving end of another screaming match. I barely did the last time. Outside, I could still hear his fists against the wooden door.

“I swear to God, Y/N, I will tear this door down if you don’t open it right now,” he screamed. That woke me up from the paralyzing state I was in and I quickly opened it to find a hauntingly beautiful Hotchner looking down at me. His chest heaved as he stared me down, surprise written all over his features, like he didn’t believe I would actually answer his pleas. There was also fear in there, almost like he was scared of what he would see once I opened the door, but as much as I looked for it, there was no anger. He forcefully made his way inside the bathroom, closing the door as he looked around for something. Not finding anything, he focused his attention back on me and before I could realize what was going on, he was pulling up the dress I was wearing and leaving me only in my undergarments.

“Hotch?” I asked, trembling in fear of what the hell was going on. He must have realized it, because quickly he looked up at me, his eyes begging me for something I couldn’t understand. I nodded once before dropping the hands I had used in an effort to try and cover myself, relaxing as I allowed him to take in my semi-nude body. He didn’t even glance at my breasts, not throwing me a single look of desire, instead crouching in front of me as he softly ran his fingers on my thighs.

I tried to control the tremors that traveled my body as desire rose through me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched me with such care. However, his touch quickly left my thighs to focus on my stomach instead, and just as he had done before, he carefully ran his fingers through the faded scars there. My breath hitched as I realized that he was looking for fresh cuts.

I had flashbacks of nights long ago, when someone else would do the same for me. I had no doubt he had taught Aaron about how to deal with me whenever I got like this. But still, he hadn’t looked at me like that. No one had ever looked at me like that, like they were terrified of losing me.

As the man in front of me realized I didn’t have new cuts, he finally got up, towering over me with unreadable eyes that could swallow me whole. “You didn’t…” He started, but didn’t finish. I shook my head, looking up at him tentatively. 

“Not since I joined the team,” I explained. “You accepted me so easily, despite the weight that I could possibly put on you, that I decided that very first day I wouldn’t do anything that could make your job any more difficult than it already is.” My voice was barely over a whisper, but I knew that he could hear me. We were tightly pressed together in the tiny bathroom. He held my hands firmly in his as he shook his head and I watched in amazement as tears rolled down his eyes. “And then you introduced me to Jack.” I stopped for a bit, trying to gather my breath. He seemed like he was holding his, his attention never wavering as his eyes stared deep into mine. “I loved having the possibility of helping to shape his incredible mind.”

Hotch’s P.O.V.

I was all but trembling as I tried to control the sobs I wanted to let out as she continued to explain herself. “I loved how he reminded me of innocence and pure happiness and I loved being able to be a kid for the few hours I was with him. So I started coming here to stay with him whenever I felt the urge to hurt myself. Because it distracted me. And it reminded me of who I wished to be for him. The example I wanted to set. And it was not of someone who hurt herself.”

By the end of her speech I was full-on crying, like I didn’t remember doing ever since Haley died. I pulled her to me as I fell on the bathroom’s floor, using her to ground myself while I tried to calm down. Fuck. What the fuck had I done to this girl? She was nothing less than an angel, sent from heaven itself to remind me what it felt like to love someone so much that it blinded you, and still, I managed to hurt her.

I felt her fingers running through my short hair as I finally started to calm my breathing. I absentmindedly remembered she was practically naked on my lap, but still that didn’t faze me. Not if she was comfortable in my arms, because I felt comfortable with her in them.

I raised my head to look at her and found her beautiful eyes looking at me with such wonder that it took my breath away again. I didn’t stop to think as I leaned to connect her lips to mine, reveling in the tiny gasp of surprise she let out. Still, she didn’t stop me. Instead, I felt her melt against me, tiny mewls escaping her lips as my tongue slowly made its way inside her mouth.

She tasted like mint and strawberries and I was already addicted.

It took every single bit of control I had to disconnect myself from her lips, trying to gather my thoughts before calling her attention to me. “Y/N,” I whispered her name and she cautiously met my eyes, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. I leaned down once more only to free it through my own bite, before looking her in the eyes again. 

“Y/N,” I repeated, and the amount of fear I found in her stare reminded me of what I needed to do in that moment. “Baby girl…” at the pet name, she seemed to relax, even if just for a bit. She adjusted herself on my lap, hiding her face in the crook of my neck, and I hugged her to me, not knowing how to approach the subject. 

“I’m sorry,” I finally let out, caressing the skin on her back with my open palms, trying to scare away every goosebump that the cold raised in its touch. “I’m so, so sorry,” I repeated, knowing that I would never be able to actually apologize for what I had said. But I’d be a fool if I didn’t spend the rest of my life trying. “I can’t even begin to explain how wrong I was in every single thing I told you that day, but I had a crappy day, and it was the anniversary of Haley’s death and…”

She pushed away from me and shut my mouth with her tiny hands. “Stop, Aaron,” she pleaded. “I know you’re sorry. I knew what was going on. That’s why I came here in the first place. I wanted to be here for you, in any way you needed. And I may have overstepped some boundaries, I mean, God knows how much time I spend here, but next time, when you need to be alone, just ask me to leave. I promise I won’t be hurt or angry. I promise.”

Shaking my head and bringing her to rest her face on my shoulder again, I tried once more. “No, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted you to be here. God, how I wanted you to be here. You have no idea how much happiness you bring me everytime I come home to find you here with Jack, and I’m sure he agrees with me.” I gulped, gathering strength to say what I was frankly ashamed to admit.

“I hope you won’t hate me too much for this, but the truth is that your presence had started to hurt me, because it reminded me of how much I wanted you, but couldn’t have you. Every time I see you, I’m reminded of our kiss. I’m reminded of how much I want to kiss you again.” My hand gently pulled her to look at me and I found my gaze trapped in those luscious lips that had been glued to mine just seconds before. I let my thumb play with her bottom one before continuing. “That’s not even true. I want to do so much more with you, to you. I want to kiss you all over. I want to make sure you never know a bad day in your life, which, considering what we do for a living, is laughable, even. And it just serves to cause me even more stress. Because all I want to do is protect you, Y/N.” She opened her mouth to speak, then, but I cut her off with a shake of my head. “No, just let me finish. Please. I need to say this.”

She closed her mouth, albeit she still looked like she wanted to intervene, turn my thoughts into a lighter shade, like she always did to everyone around her just by being her. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I know that I can’t. As much as I want to, I can’t be around you all the time and I can’t promise to keep the darkness away from you, not even the one inside of your own mind. But, what I’ve come to realize is…” She was crying too, by now, and I couldn’t stop myself from wiping her tears with as much delicacy as I possibly could. “… Is that I can try. And if I allow myself to just try, even if I come to fail, I will save both you and me from this pain that I am causing myself, forcing us apart from each other.” She looked down, avoiding my eyes at this, and I knew that I was right.

I sighed, pulling her to kiss her forehead before connecting hers to mine.

“I’m done, trying to resist you, Y/N Y/L/N. I am yours, body and soul and mental problems that you’re probably all too familiarised with.” That made her release a choked up laugh, which in turn made me smile. God, this woman had my heart. “I love you, Y/N,” I finally finished, itching to touch her, pull her to me, but knowing I had to give her the space to say what was on her mind now, too. 

She was looking at me with a smile that could probably melt the whole of Alaska. Giggling, she pulled me by the collar of my shirt to press her lips on mine again. “I love you too, Aaron Hotchner.”

The feeling that overcame me at hearing these words was something I very rarely had the pleasure of visiting, so I allowed myself to close my eyes, pull her to me once more and just enjoy the beauty of the moment. A few more tears were shed, this time of happiness, and I let myself peck her delicious lips a few more times before finding the strengths to push us out of the floor. 

“You should… You should probably put on some clothes,” I chuckled, scratching the back of my neck at her giggles. She quickly located her dress and pulled it over her head before turning back to me, adjusting her hair. 

“Do I look okay now?” I shook my head.

“You never look okay. You always look beautiful,” I explained, leaning down to kiss her one last time. She smiled sweetly up at me, warming my heart to her yet again. 

“It’s weird how I don’t find it weird to see this side of you,” she stated, already leaving the bathroom, with me hot in her tails.

“What do you mean?” I had a slight idea of what she was referring to, but I wanted to be sure.

“This.” She stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, turning around to stare up at me again. “This version of you. When you allow your sweetness to be seen, your caring side to be felt. At work, anyone who spends enough time with you catches glimpses of it, but I don’t think anyone has truly seen you when you don’t try to hide it anymore.” She was right. I could have laughed, taken by surprise, but the truth was that it wasn’t that unexpected. She really had a way of reading people - that’s what made her such a precious arrival to the team. 

But it was like her abilities were enhanced when it came to me.

“I like this side of you,” she continued as she finally stepped into the kitchen, almost as if she was babbling without really noticing what she was doing. “But I also like the side of you that takes control of any crime scene we step into. Since that’s the one I’m most used with, I wasn’t expecting to be automatically so accustomed to the other one.” 

I couldn’t help but to smile, happy to know she liked both sides of me. “You weren’t?” I asked, approaching her from behind as she perused my counters, pulling her by her hips to collide against me again.

“I… wasn’t,” she admitted, turning her neck to try and meet my eyes. 

It was like I couldn’t control myself anymore. In a second, I had turned her around, hoisting her up on my kitchen counter, our lips connecting once again. That kiss was different from the other ones we had shared until now. 

I was taken away by the pit of fire that had suddenly been lit inside of me, and I needed her, my oxygen, to keep it alive. My lips were eager, kissing her to the point of bruising, but she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she responded just in kind.

I felt her tongue beg for entrance on my lips and I surprised myself by the wantful moan that resonated from my chest. That only seemed to spur her on, and I felt her press her entire body against me, her legs coming up from behind to hold her against my body.

I welcomed the intrusion into my mouth, shivering as I realized she tasted like peppermint and home. It made its way inside of me until all I wanted was to drown in her warmth, and so I found myself pulling her even closer, like I wanted both of our bodies to become one.

I did.

But then, I felt her against me. Unconsciously or not, she had started to grind her lower body into what I had to admit to have turned into an almost completely hard length. Startled, I pulled away, carefully settling her back to the floor and keeping her away from me by my hands on her shoulders as I tried to recover my breath. 

When I finally felt like I could look at her again and not burst at the sight, I found her looking up at me with a pout in her beautifully plump, red lips. Thankfully, she didn’t look hurt, although I could definitely see disappointment in her features.

Chuckling, I leaned down to deposit a sweet but quick kiss on her lips, still maintaining her at an arm’s length. “I don’t want to do it like this. Not when you’re still recovering. I don’t want the memory of our first time to be tainted by the battle you’re still going through,” I explained, softly caressing her cheekbone, making sure she understood what I was saying. Her eyes softened at my words, and she granted me a nod. “Now, let’s go get some food in you.”


	4. Chapter 4

Y/N's P.O.V.

In the days that passed, I started to become more and more like myself again. I laughed more frequently, I felt more energetic, and it wasn’t long before Aaron decided I could go back to work. 

Seeing Spencer again was nice, but it was undoubtedly weird to try to pretend nothing different was going on between Hotch and I. I mean, I felt like the team had a solid idea of what was happening between us, especially from how firm he was about taking me to his house when I broke down on the jet, but nothing was confirmed yet and I didn’t want it to. It was nice to have something special blossoming and it felt like it was still so intimate and pure, I didn’t want to learn other people’s views about it.

And yet, as I felt myself climb higher and higher from the well I was buried before, I knew it was only a matter of time until I faltered and fell down a few steps. Recovery was something I was used to by now, so relapse was a fact and I was prepared for it. It just didn’t mean that I wasn’t scared or devastated when the itch to hurt myself resurfaced again. 

It happened while we were away on my first case since returning to the BAU. I was being aloof and I knew it, but I insisted that I was okay enough to go out on the field. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I could do this.

Boy, was I wrong.

Despite the fact that my distracted manner ended up putting Spencer’s life in danger, everything turned out okay and the unsub was caught. However, as we got stuck in our hotel for the night, since the jet wouldn’t be able to fly us back until the morning, all I could think about was how badly I had screwed up.

And the worst part was that no one shouted or even appeared to be angry at me. They were making sure to keep their true feelings hidden behind a barrier of fake understanding, so I wouldn’t go back to how I used to be, but the absence of an outlet only made it worse.

I could feel the voices rising again. Mocking me. Reminding me of how I couldn’t do anything right. How everyone probably hated me right now. I was spiraling, and quickly. The itch to scratch myself had already appeared and it was only a matter of time until my nails were bloodied.

But then, a knock resonated through the empty bedroom.

“Are you ok?” The sight of Aaron with those impenetrable eyes was enough to start to calm the waves of self-loathing, but I was still on edge. In all truth, I could barely speak, the embarrassment I felt for my own actions today still coursing through me.

“I’m still waiting for you to start screaming at me,” I admitted in a tiny voice, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. A good part of me was hoping for it, so I was prepared for any demonstration of anger that he could throw my way. “I feel like I should be in trouble.”

“That’s never going to happen.” He stepped into the room, hugging me to him as he closed the door behind us. We stayed like that for a while, him tightly holding me to his body as we slowly swayed in the same place. At least it forced my own hands to stay far away from my body.

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing.” It escaped before I could realise I was even thinking about it. Aaron froze in his spot before carefully pulling away from me, his hands holding my head to look deep into my eyes. I felt myself melting despite my current state. He really did have beautiful eyes.

“What do you mean?” Sighing, I pushed him away gently before sitting down on the mattress, running a hand through my face. My mind was all over the place, making it difficult to focus on finding the right words to describe what I was going through at that moment.

“I’m sorry, Aaron.” The tears started rolling then. It all became too much. My failure at work, the fact that I was letting him down, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt lost, and soon enough, that asphyxiating weight settled over my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe.

“Sweetheart, talk to me.” Through the gaps between my fingers, I could see that he had knelt in front of me even before he reached for my hands, holding them so I couldn’t use them to hide anymore.

“I hate myself for what I did today, Aaron. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be in the BAU. God, what if something had happened to Spencer today? I… I have to cut myself, please let me get it out.” I tried to pull my hands from him, my need to scratch myself resurfacing even stronger again, but he held them tightly in his grip, stopping me from doing so.

Aaron’s P.O.V.

As I held onto her hands, I pulled her so she’d look at me again. “Sweetheart, please… Is there anything I could do?” It was so difficult to see the woman I loved like this, reduced to a crying mess, and not being able to help her. My heart physically ached as I held her against my chest, caressing her head in a feeble attempt to calm her down.

“Punish me, Aaron. Yell at me, say you hate me and that I don’t deserve you. Tell me you’re going to kick me out of the team.” Her broken sobs were taking away pieces of my heart little by little. 

“I can’t do that, darling. I’m sorry, it wouldn’t be the truth. You don’t deserve to be punished, sweetheart, you made an honest mistake and everyone is entitled to that. I *love you. I could never hate you for something so silly and if anything, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. And our team needs you, Y/N. We weren’t complete until you arrived.” 

Somehow, those didn’t seem like the right words to say. She literally started to tremble in my arms, a scream of agony leaving her lips. “Darling, tell me what I can do to help you, please. I want to help you.” She tried to free her arms to scratch her skin again, but I managed to hold her hands just in time. Suddenly, an idea struck me. An out-of-place reminder of a conversation held in different times, over a bottle of wine. “Alright, you want to be punished, get up.”

My voice hit the same tone it usually did when we were in the bullpen and I needed the team’s attention, so I quickly got hers. She immediately obeyed me, standing up to stare down at me as I remained seated at the edge of her bed. “I want you over my lap, right now.”

If there was any hesitation on my part about what I was doing, it went out of the window the second she threw herself over my legs. I stopped for a second, pondering over what I was about to do. I had never been one for physical punishment on Jack, since I had personal experience on how scarring that experience could be, but I could recognize this was of an entirely different nature. And despite my inexperience with this sort of sexual relationship before, the tightness in my pants warned me that at least a part of me was satisfied with it.

I ran my fingers through Y/N’s hair, appreciating her tiny shiver, a show of desire instead of pain, until I decided it was time to get on with it. Raising my hand in the air, I allowed it to fall over her backside, only strong enough so she could feel it. Y/N’s hands flew to my thigh, holding herself there so she’d be able to take it and I did it again, with more or less the same impact.

“Harder,” came her plea, and I hesitated only for a bit before obeying her request. Her voice hadn’t trembled for the first time in the evening and hearing it resemble her everyday assertiveness didn’t allow me any space to second guess our activities.

My next spank was undoubtedly harder than the last one, and I expected any sort of reaction from my girlfriend, except the broken moan she released after my hand fell over the right cheek of her ass.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t have it in me to even feel embarrassed about my instinctive reactions, especially since Aaron was giving me exactly what I needed. I didn’t know how he knew, I couldn’t think in the state I was in, but it had been too long since I had found myself in this type of relationship and I had forgotten how it provided me with exactly what I needed.

“Y-yes!” I couldn’t stop the shout that escaped my throat as he continued to slowly give me harder slaps. Although it was precisely what I had asked for, it still didn’t manage to give me the same effect I would have gotten from feeling it against my skin. That’s what made me suddenly scramble up to look him in the eye again.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He looked so concerned, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared up at me. I felt myself smiling despite the mess in my mind, just suddenly overcome with gratitude for having such an amazing creature worrying about me.

“Not at all. This is exactly what I need, I don’t know how you knew it.” I held his face between my hands, softly running my thumbs over his cheekbones. “Would you… Would you do something else for me?”

His eyes searched mine quickly before nodding. “Anything.” I had to smile at his devoted tone, so I leaned down to give him a kiss on the forehead before straightening up again and pulling my dress off my body.

His eyes devoured me whole, but he didn’t open his mouth to protest at seeing me only in my underwear again. I think he knew I respected his desire to wait until I was in better condition to have sex, so he must have had a pretty good idea of what I wanted.

With that in mind, I assumed my position over his lap again, enjoying the feeling of his pants against my practically naked body before calling out to him, “More, please.” He hesitated for a bit. I was about to get up and ask him to forget about this, the last thing I wanted was to make him uncomfortable, when suddenly, his hand collided with my backside.

“Is this what you wanted?” His voice sounded dark, and I felt a shiver run through my body as I nodded to his words. “Not good enough, little girl.” His hands pulled on my hair and I whimpered from the surprise and the pleasurable pain. “I’m going to need to hear you say it.”

A wave of hotness flushed down my body and I could feel my panties getting wet from his words. Never, in a million years, did I expect to be in this position, over my boss’s lap, with Aaron practically talking dirty with such an erotic voice. 

“I-I need this,” I finally whimpered, before shifting over his body to adjust my weight, in the hopes of getting some friction between my legs. I hoped I had been discreet, but when I felt my boyfriend’s fingers lightly grazing over my panties on the precise spot I knew would be soaked in a few seconds, I knew I had been caught.

“I can see that.” It was almost funny to hear the smugness in Aaron’s tone, but I couldn’t laugh at that moment. Not when he was pressing the lace of my panties against the emptiness that was throbbing with need, effectively ruining the tissue as it became attached to my pussy lips. “You’re really enjoying yourself, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I wholeheartedly admitted, trying to force myself not to thrust back into his fingers.

“Hmm…” I could practically *hear his desire, and I thought back on how he had stopped himself from going further with me because he didn’t want to take advantage of me in this state. But it couldn’t really be considered taking advantage if it would help the person in need, right?

“Do you know what would help me even better?” I managed to ask, knowing I had picked up his interest by the way he softly caressed my backside.

“What would that be, little girl?” The nickname ignited every single nerve end on my body, and I had to bite back a moan as he unexpectedly slapped my ass again.

“Y-you, daddy.” I *felt his cock jump up at my own nickname for him and that awarded me another slap, harder than the last one.

“And how do you want your daddy, sweetheart?” My attention had completely abandoned his words as I felt his fingers brush up against me again, slowly pushing the fabric of my underwear aside and caressing my wetness in direct contact for the first time. But then another slap echoed around the room and I gasped, bucking into the fingers that were only barely penetrating me. “Answer me, Y/N.”

“Inside of me, daddy.” A sharp intake of breath was all the warning I got before my panties were being forcibly pushed down to my ankles.

“What won’t daddy do for you, little girl?” He asked just before pushing a single long finger inside of me. I almost cried from how amazing it felt after not being touched for so long, but then a thumb was playing with my tiny pearl and a full-on sob escaped me.

“Please, don’t stop, please!” I begged, pulling on the arm that wasn’t otherwise occupied with me, worried that he’d think he had hurt me. However, the response I got was a soft caress on my head in an attempt to calm me down when he managed to release his arm from my grasp.

“I won’t stop, sweet girl. Relax against your daddy and let him take care of you.” The words were like a balm to the mental cuts I had performed on myself, and my body instantly fell slack against his lap. 

“There you go. *Such a good, little girl.” Each word from his last sentence was punctuated with a sharp thrust of his finger that led me to start moaning - rather loudly, I supposed - like the trembling mess that I was. Suddenly, my underwear was being taken away from me and pressed against my lips. “Open up, princess.” I eagerly obeyed, desperate to continue receiving his touches, which he immediately resumed with a particular tug on my hair.

Aaron’s P.O.V.

“There you go. Can’t have anyone interrupting us now, can we, sweetheart?” It should feel weird how her broken sobs and moans made me grin from ear to ear, but I was too intoxicated by the power I felt to analyze the situation right now. I had wished for a way to help her. Now I had it. It was clear that this was what she needed, and I was more than happy to give it to her.

“You know, I’ve never done this before…” I started, carefully massaging her head with the hand that wasn’t otherwise occupied with her pussy. “I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying this.” I pulled on Y/N’s hair again, just in time to watch as her eyes rolled back, her orgasm finally catching up to her after I quickened the motions from my fingers. 

“So beautiful,” I absentmindedly whispered as I waited for her to come back to me, not stopping any of my movements, but simply slowing them down. At last, with one final shiver, her body fell limp on my lap and I took my fingers from her with a chuckle at the displeased whine she let out at the emptiness. 

I pulled her up so she would be seated on my lap now, her face carefully enveloped by my hands as I searched her eyes after pulling out her panties from her mouth. “How are you feeling, my love?” It was impossible not to be affected by the way she simply melted against me.

“Better. I’m so much better, Aaron, thank you so much.” She hid her face on the crook of my neck and I felt warm and intoxicated at the same time. I wanted to cuddle her and protect her for the rest of her life, but I also wanted to be tightly snuggled inside of her like nothing else on the planet. The dichotomy of this woman was simply too much.

“You’re welcome, my love.” I continued caressing her hair while hugging her close to me, paying no attention to the fact that she was most likely ruining my pants. After a while, she pushed away from my chest to look me in the eyes again.

“What about you, honey?” I knew what she meant. But despite how aroused I felt, I knew it still wasn’t the right moment, so that’s why I leaned down to give her a sweet kiss, before picking her up and softly laying her on the bed. 

“I’m already okay, darling. Don’t you worry about me.” Despite knowing she understood where I was coming from, she couldn’t help but pout at me, which made me chuckle. “Soon, alright?” I lightly traced her bottom lip with my thumb as she nodded solemnly at me. “Thank you, sweetheart. Do you want me to stay here with you?”

The way her eyes lit up made me feel like the most special man in the world. “Would you do that?” It hurt me that she’d even doubt, for a second, what I would do for her, especially since it was something that I would also benefit from.

“Of course, darling. I’ll stay with you. I won’t be here when you wake up, because we don’t want the team to notice anything, but I’ll stay until you fall asleep.” She watched me with sleepy eyes as I carefully took off my clothes, putting them over the chair so they wouldn’t wrinkle, and then climbed up on the bed next to her, pulling her to me so she’d fall asleep listening to my heartbeat dance for her.

She’d be alright. I’d make sure of it.


	5. Chapter 5

Y/N's P.O.V.

Three months passed in the blink of an eye and the well I had hid in for so long was nowhere to be found. Between Penelope’s ever-present banter, Rossi’s pasta nights and overall, the support of my friends - that made the BAU seem more like a family than a job - I was feeling better than I had felt in years.

But of course, most of my progress was to be thanked to a certain SSA Aaron Hotchner - and Jack had a big part in it, too. Both had welcomed me not only into their home, but into their lives, to a point where it was hard to remember what Friday nights used to look like away from them, without pizzas and Disney movies. I never went back to living in my apartment. Aaron never mentioned it, and apart from the two visits we had made right after I moved in with them, to gather more of my clothing I’d left behind, I hadn’t even been there in a while.

In fact, I had been gathering the courage to talk about it with my boyfriend for the last week or so. I knew we’d need to have this conversation eventually, and when the opportunity arose via us wrapping up a case that was supposed to last all weekend, leaving Jack with his aunt while we could have the house to ourselves, I knew it was now or never.

“I still can’t believe we were able to solve this before Sunday,” Aaron said, that cute tiny smile on his lips as he opened the door to his house.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “It still feels weird not going to pick Jack up, though.” My boyfriend nodded, turning around to face him after he’d dropped his briefcase over the sofa.

“I know. But it’s already too late to wake him and Jessica up just to bring him home. We’ll get him in the morning.” I nodded, mostly because this was perfect for my intentions for the evening, but still, I missed the little guy.

“Aaron,” I started when he opened the fridge in search of something we could eat. He hummed to let me know he was listening, but despite the fact that I wanted to start talking while he was otherwise occupied with other stuff, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the added weight of his impenetrable eyes on my figure, the words didn’t leave my mouth fast enough. Obviously, he took notice, which only made him immediately turn around to look at me, where I was sitting by the breakfast table, trying not to look incredibly guilty as I met his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” It was hard not to giggle at how quickly he went into dad mode at the prospect of any trouble. It helped to clear the air and release some of the tension I had accumulated in my body.

“Nothing’s wrong, silly. I just have something I need to talk to you about.” He nodded, opting to reheat some leftover pasta I had made a few nights before we left over trying to create something from scratch this late in the evening.

“Tell me.” He was stirring the pot where the pasta had been deposited as he waited for me to begin, but I knew his concentration was completely focused on me. I had to recognize how incredible he was, not only as a boyfriend, but also as a profiler. It was clear that he was aware of how much easier it would be for me to open up if he had the premise of another task in his mind, keeping his eyes away from me.

“My landlord called me this week.” And there it went. All pretense was suddenly dropped as his head immediately whipped up to stare at me with a frown on his handsome face, clenching the pot with much more strength than it was really necessary.. “My lease is about to end, I have to sign the renewal soon. I figured it’s the perfect time to talk about me returning to my apartment.” 

At first, he didn’t say anything, simply stared back at me with unreadable eyes. And then we smelled something funny. “Oh my God, Aaron, stir the pot and lower the heat!” I directed after finally realising what was going on. I jumped out of the chair to help him, but by the time I had made my way around the counter and inside the kitchen, the situation had been diffused and the pasta was done. “Is it still edible?” I joked, peering up from his side to check if there was still some salvaged part of the food, but it looked mostly alright. Maybe only the bottom part was burnt. 

He didn’t answer me, not even offering a chuckle to lighten up the mood. But he did plate up the now warm pasta, picking up both dishes and walking to the table without a single glance at me. It was clear he was deep in his thoughts, so I figured it’d be best to allow him time to get to any conclusions he might reach by himself, opting to simply follow him and take my place where he laid my plate, silently starting to eat while keeping an eye on him. 

It was only after my second bite of food that he said something, and it wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.

“Aren’t you happy here?” The question caught me so by surprise that I dropped my fork against the plate, immediately flinching from the loud sound that echoed around the empty living room in the middle of the night.

“Of course I am, Aaron.” I didn’t understand how he could for even a minute doubt that. Didn’t he see how much better I was? How he had managed to help me get back to normal? 

“Then why do you want to leave?” If the other question took me by surprise, this one completely astounded me. I couldn’t even offer an immediate answer, because I was in no way prepared for it. 

Finally, I settled for, “I never said I wanted to leave, honey. It’s just that I figured it’s a natural evolution for our situation. I’m better now, and I have my own apartment. Why should I stay here?” It was like he had barely heard me, by the way he immediately countered my question with one of his own.

Aaron’s P.O.V.

“Well, do you want to?” She looked lost, her mouth opening a few times before she settled on what she wanted to say. 

“Want to what?” She looked so confused, fidgeting with the edge of her skirt while she bit her lip. I had to lean down and deposit a quick kiss on her mouth, not only because I always wanted to kiss her, but also because I knew it helped her relax. When I saw her shoulders relax, I covered her hands with mine, pulling them up on the table so I could keep holding them more comfortably.

“Do you want to stay here?” I finally clarified, watching attentively for her reactions. At first, she looked surprised, her mouth falling open and her eyes widening at my question, but in seconds she gathered her thoughts and bit her lips, avoiding my eyes before nodding, a sheepish smile on her lips.

A huge grin immediately appeared on my face, as I watched her come to senses with what I had just asked. When she finally found enough courage in herself to look up at me again, I threw myself at her, capturing her lips in a deep, passionate kiss.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy. Watching Y/N come back to her natural state was already relieving, as it was to have her around all the time, especially when it came to help me take care of Jack, but to know that she wanted to be here indefinitely, that she had agreed to live with us? I was over the moon.

When we separated to catch our breaths, she was flushed again, and it was clear she was trying very hard to keep her eyes on mine.

“What?” I asked, certain I had a goofy smile on my face. She bit her lip once more, making me groan. “Stop that, pretty girl,” I teased, pulling her bottom lip from its confine. She rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “Now tell, me, what is it that you want?”

The atmosphere of the room had changed, it was clear now. Whereas it had felt cold only a few minutes ago, when I thought she wanted to leave me, it felt absurdly hot out of nowhere, and I had half a mind to rip her dress off of her. So when she answered me with a soft, “You,” I knew exactly what she meant.

I immediately stood up from my chair, reaching out to help her leave hers too, but instead of walking hand in hand towards our room - it was our room, now, I reminded myself with a smile - I couldn’t deal with the prospect of spending another second separated from her skin, so I took her in my embrace, kissing her in celebration of the next steps in our relationship we were taking together, tonight.

We made out like two teenagers right there, in the middle of my living room, and when the fire that was growing inside of me rose up to my head, I found myself pulling on her dress and taking it off her body, not caring to notice where it ended up. The second her skin became available to me, I lost the last of the control I was still trying to keep, and pulled her by her ass to wrap her legs around me so I could at least take her to our bedroom before I had my way with her, like I’d been dreaming to do for so long.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

As soon as Aaron carefully laid me down on his bed I was already sitting up, reaching for his shirt. I’d been dreaming about this for so long, long before he ever showed any interest in me. Of course, back then it made me embarrassed - I never thought I’d be the girl with a crush on her boss - but after we came clear about our feelings, the only reason why I didn’t immediately jump his bones was because he wanted to wait for me to get better. And which person wouldn’t melt with that?

Only now that waiting time was over, I couldn’t get him undressed fast enough. It was nice to see him with a teasing smile, looking down at me with that mischievous glint in his eye as he realized just how much I wanted him, when in our day-to-day life outside this house he was always so serious.

“Someone’s eager,” he jested, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

“I expected you to be too, or should I be worried about you not being attracted to me?” The question was made in all good humour, but Aaron clearly did not appreciate it. His smile immediately dropped, and before I could say anything to make it better, he was crawling up on the bed, making himself at home between my legs.

“Don’t even joke about this,” he whispered, dark eyes studying mine just like he did whenever we were alone before he captured my lips in a deep kiss that was equal parts possession and affection. “Do you feel this?” He pressed himself against me, and I could feel exactly what he was referring to. “I’m always so hard around you, sweetheart. You have no idea how difficult it has been to live with you and not be able to touch you like I’ve been dreaming of.”

His words made me whine, clutching his back so he’d lay more of his weight on me. For someone who was as quiet as Aaron usually was, I wasn’t expecting him to be so comfortable in sharing his desires with me, but it only made me appreciate it even more.

“Well, I’m here now, aren’t I? And you’re not doing a good job of taking advantage of this opportunity at all.” He smirked teasingly at me, getting out of the bed to take off his clothes until all he had on was his boxers. Then he was back between my legs, pressing his hardness against me with even more fervor as he devoured my lips once more.

Aaron’s P.O.V.

“I’ll show you how well I can take advantage of you, little girl.” She whined once more, making me chuckle as I slowly left her lips to continue pressing kisses on her jaw, until I was sucking on her pulse point, marking her as mine. I’d never been one for leaving bruises before, too worried about the consequences came the morning time, but in that moment I’d damn all the consequences just to have her, own her, make sure she’d never forget how it felt to be together like this for the first time. 

I didn’t want to have to learn how to be without her again. She was a part of me now, a part of my life and I liked it better with her around. I liked me better with her around. So I made sure to make the most out of this opportunity, when I finally had her exactly where I wanted, to imprint her taste in my mouth, memorize the smell of her skin. 

As I kissed every inch of skin my lips could meet, she danced underneath me, desperately trying to create some friction between us, in that wet heat I could hardly wait to encounter again. So I granted it to her, rubbing my clothed cock on her pussy as hard as I could while ripping off her bra, exposing her beautiful breasts to me for the first time. 

My mouth watered at the sight, and I immediately enclosed one pebbled nipple with my lips, circling it with my tongue before sucking on it lightly. At her pleased gasp, accompanied by one of her hands, which she tangled in my hair, I doubled my efforts, sucking a bit harder, until I heard her moaning sweetly above me.

The sound went straight to my crotch, and I lifted myself off one breast to stare up at her, take in the beauty that was seeing her like this, slightly out of breath, her lips bruised from my nibbling. 

“You’re perfect,” I let her know, and when she smiled I leaned down to give the other breast the same treatment. God, she tasted sweet. If her skin was this delicious, I could only imagine how delightful it would be to bury my face in between her thighs, drinking in her essence.

But I wouldn’t have to imagine it much longer. Slowly, determined to kiss each inch of skin along the way, I created a pathway of kisses and bruises down her stomach, appreciating the shiver that went up her spine at the feeling of my nose caressing her lower belly. 

“You’re so beautiful, love,” I insisted in reminding her, knowing how hard it was for her to believe me - or anyone else - when it came to her qualities, but she needed to learn about her own beauty. I’d teach her to recognize it.

“Aaron, please…” Now, I’d heard a lot of sexy things in my life - most of them from her own lips, ever since we’d started dating - but nothing had ever come near the sound of her begging me to give her some release. It made me lose my infamous control, it turned me into that same man I’d become when I had her over my lap, writhing with the need to feel my touch on her skin.

“That’s not how you call me, is it, sweetheart?” I asked, looking up at her from my spot between her thighs, while I sensuously kissed the soft skin there. Her eyes sparkled with understanding, and while she tried to control the instinctual need to raise her hips to try and get me to touch her where she really needed, she finally said the words I’d been dying to hear again.

“Please, daddy, I need you.” That was all I needed to plunge into her waiting heat. Just like I’d anticipated, she tasted heavenly. Syrupy sweet and incredibly addicting. I wanted to bathe in her essence, drown in it. 

It didn’t help my animalistic instincts that every swipe of my tongue over her little clit elicited the most musical moans from her perfect lips, which only served to further incentive me to bury my tongue as far as it could go inside of her weeping hole. My nose was the one massaging her nub while I struggled to get every drop of wetness I could collect, further aided by my head’s movements as I enthusiastically moved around, eating her out hungrily.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Aaron was so starved for my cunt that all of a sudden, his hands came up to grab the cheeks of my ass, helping him better angle my body to how he desired to be able to fully appreciate his meal. It was dirty and sinful, but it was exactly what I needed after so many nights dreaming about his touch on me.

I was so wet I could feel it dripping from my lower lips, smearing my thighs and tarnishing the duvet underneath me. It didn’t seem like he minded, though. It was more for him to lap, and I had to grab the covers to try to keep my mind from going insane.

“Daddy…” I moaned, desperate for release as my whole body trembled underneath him. Aaron didn’t even look up, still too busy with my pussy, and I had to say it out loud so I could get his permission. “Wanna cum.”

That made him look up at me, but only his gaze went up to meet mine, his face remaining buried against me, never stopping his incessant licking. “Come on, love. Come for me.” As always, I followed his order without any amount of hesitation.

It wasn’t like I could control it, anyway. My body didn’t belong to me anymore, it was his, his to take, to care for, to love and to deal with, when necessary. And I trusted him to take good care of it.

So far, so good. He finally came up for air as my muscles relaxed, making me fall slack against the sweat-drenched mattress. Kissing his way up my body, he kissed me on the lips with fervor when our lips finally met, his long fingers immediately finding their way inside of my still sensitive cunt. 

“Daddy…” I whined, feeling too raw yet to be able to deal with any part of him inside of me, but he was having none of it. Although he immediately retreated the finger, it was only to slap my pussy so I’d stop trying to close my legs around him, conceding all the access to my body once again. 

As soon as my legs fell open, he was pushing it inside of me again, only this time there were two of them. Despite how wet I was, the thickness was already far more than I was used to, but the stretch felt wonderful, making me feel full like I couldn’t remember ever feeling before.

Over me, I heard Aaron curse, prompting me to open my eyes again (when had I even closed them?) only to find him focused where his fingers were carefully exploring. “You’re so tight, sweetheart. How long has it been since you’ve had sex?”

The question made me giggle, knowing he didn’t really need an answer. But the truth was, it’d been over a year. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had sex with my ex, and since it had been a while before we broke up, I knew Aaron would really need the time to prep me up to take him.

Just the memory of how his cock felt underneath me, straining in his trousers when he had me over his lap, had a new wave of wetness flooring from within me. My boyfriend sucked in a breath, clearly hypnotized by the way the added lubricant helped him ease his digits in.

Aaron’s P.O.V.

I was transfixed, completely in love with the way her pussy gripped my fingers every time I pulled them back only to push in again. Although it didn’t help my growing need to repeat the action with my cock, it did fill me with some kind of satisfaction by itself. I was the one doing this to her, I was the one giving her this pleasure. She was creaming around my fingers.

So I kept on my shallow thrusts until I could see it wasn’t enough for her. I saw it in the way she pushed back to meet my digits. I saw it in the whines she was emitting, which only served to make me even harder for her. Finally, she was the one who broke me out of my reverie, downright begging me, “Please, Aaron, please. I wanna cum around your cock. Please.”

Who could possibly deny such a request? I recognized that I was known for my control, but I still had needs, like any person. And right then, all I needed was her. So I pulled away, just enough so that I was able to pull my boxers down and wrap my hand around my member, trying to relieve some of the tension.

The vision before me more than helped. It was better than porn, certainly better than anything my mind could create, seeing Y/N like that, completely naked, heaving and wet because of me.

I knew birth control wasn’t a concern, so I just leaned over her again, rubbing the head of my cock on her clit and appreciating the desperate moan that resonated around the room before I dragged it down and pushed in.

Immediately, the feeling of tightness and warmth made me gasp, and I almost lost my balance and fell on top of her body, but her own hands flew up to hold me by my hips, freezing me in place. She didn’t say anything, but from her whimper, it was clear that she was in pain, so as much as I was trembling with the urge to push all the way inside of her, I breathed deeply and rested my forehead on hers.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re okay. I know it hurts, I’m going slowly, okay? Give you time to get used to it.” She nodded, eyes squeezed shut while I delivered quick kisses all over her face. I tried to pull back slightly and push in only a little bit further, and she seemed to adjust to that, her hands coming around my torso to hug me to her.

“Slowly,” she repeated in a whisper, still not opening her eyes.

“Slowly,” I agreed, kissing her temple and keeping up with the ritual of sliding back and pushing in again, until I was able to bottom out. “Fuck, daddy!” The whiny tone of her voice only added to my arousal, and I exchanged my kisses for little bites all over her neck.

“Does it feel good, baby? Can I move?” I asked, fascinated by the taste of her sweat on my tongue. I wanted to lap it up, just like I had done to her wetness minutes before, but the ache in my groin reminded me there were more pressing urges to be fulfilled now.

“Yes, Yes! Please, move!” That was all I was waiting for to start thrusting in and out of her. It was an incredible feeling. It’d been so long since I’d felt this connected to someone. It felt amazing. She felt amazing. Such a strong feeling of belonging, of true love coursed through my body that all I wanted to do was to kiss the breathing air out of her lungs.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I held on Aaron’s body like it was my lifeboat, and in many ways, I supposed he was precisely that. He’d been patient when I needed, firm when I desired it and now he was filling me in ways I’d never felt before.

It was such an overwhelming feeling, to be this connected to someone. The thought prompted me to finally open my eyes, only to find his already fixed on mine. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, and I felt my heart grow twice its size before I pulled him to meet my lips again.

“So are you,” I mumbled against his mouth, and he chuckled breathlessly, still fucking me deeply against the mattress, prompting me to run my nails over his back, making him curse. Believe me, there was nothing hotter than hearing Aaron Hotcher curse while being balls deep into you.

“I don’t ever want to leave you,” he confessed, and I knew he was referring to the act we were currently partaking in, but I couldn’t help but to run my fingers through his hair, softly responding, “Then don’t.”

The mood suddenly changed, and so did his thrusts. They became slower, but more meaningful, somehow. His forehead fell to mine, his lips but an inch from mine when he answered, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I won’t.”

I knew we’d still have so much to overcome, so much to fight for, but the fact was that we’d be doing it together. I knew that now, as I felt him move inside of me, bringing me to new heights of pleasure, his hands finding mine and holding them by my side, in bed. This, right here, wouldn’t solve everything, but it brought me a sense of belonging I’d never been able to experience before.

And at the end of the day, I knew that all I wanted was to belong to Aaron for the rest of my life.


End file.
